Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
