First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
