is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize