my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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