Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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