I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
