i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
