so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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