All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
