the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
