I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
