Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
