Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
