Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
