Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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