Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
she told me i tasted like america
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
