That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
