nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
