I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
