i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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