This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize