First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
