I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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