Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
