do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
