how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Randomize
