32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
