also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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