So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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