First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
