I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
