Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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