There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
