Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize