the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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