I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
