i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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