So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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