let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
