I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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