I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
