are you still at the devil's house?
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
