wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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