you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Dicks are not precious.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
