he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
