at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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