you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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