dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Randomize
