there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
