he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
