Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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