i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
