there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
