Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
