I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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