Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
