I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Send help, water and tortillas.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
