piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
