that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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