So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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