OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
