every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
