He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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