i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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