Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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